Irkedness

I have often referred to myself as an information junkie. I have always read....alot. In the past, most of my reading revolved around "christian" authors. Something always irked me though about the message, I could not put my finger on it, it was deep down, and would not go away. I always just chalked it up to my "sin nature", you know that part of me that had to be "conquered" etc.

An example of something that would not sit well with me were the different "roles" and "needs" of the genders. All the talk about how a man needs to be respected and finds his identity in his job , a woman needs to feel love and finds her identity in her home, and all the "rules" that go along with those two thoughts, in order to meet these "needs". This is just one example, it is really an all encompassing thing that spills into all areas of life, friends, family, work, charity, and so on, this is just the easiest example for me to use.

Well, these things are true, BUT......I finally figured out the "but", I now see why these kinds of things have irked me , drum roll: they have irked me because they are only true at the EGO level, and also because the IC works hard to keep us stuck/focused on the EGO level, while at the same time telling us we are not good enough there. There it is, so simple, yet it took me decades to finally be able to realize it. (ETA, I only had to realize it, the answer was there all along, I did not have to "do" anything to get the answer, I just had to have an awareness of it, I did not have to read a book, or pray a prayer, or get told it by someone more wise than I )

Here is how I see it, from a generalized point of view: IC just wants to keep us at the ego level, IC wants to keep us locked into a shallow existence while lying to us telling us that learning these things makes us "deep" and more aware, and that we are doing things "God's way". In actuality this kind of thought process keeps us stuck, it feeds the ego so that it is satisfied and we become complacent, as long as the ego is getting regular feedings we do not feel the hunger for MORE, the hunger to get a deeper awareness. (ETA, I realize that I may be a bit off in this logic, this is where I am currently at, my current frame of reference and I believe over time with more awareness this reasoning will change as I see more and understand more, but this is what "serves" me at this time)

Think about it, a man who gets his EGO needs of being respected by his wife and kids, all the time, whether he is a respectable person or not, or a woman who gets her love needs met whether she is lovable or not, if they are getting these needs met then the EGO is satisfied enough to keep one comfortable in their level of awareness, it promotes a form of complacency. Yet all the while, deep down, in the recesses of their soul that do not get sunshine because of the shadow of the EGO they feel that all is not right, they sense something off but just cannot put their finger on it. This dissatisfaction surfaces in obscure ways, that do not lead to the realization of the true root issue, but can keep one on the wrong path for quite some time. They realize they are getting their "needs" met, so this feeling of dissatisfaction is confusing, they think they are in error to feel this because they have been told they should not, they should feel complete. Or they may think this feeling of dissatisfaction is because they are not getting these needs met as well as they could be, they need more respect or more love or to have it displayed or presented to them in a different fashion. This keeps them busy either trying to "right" their soul or trying to "get" those in their life to meet these needs in a different manner. This diverts one from moving beyond the EGO, thus keeping one trapped in the EGO layer of existence. One can think they are happy, content, getting the most out of life, but once one has moved beyond the EGO, then one realizes that that was really not ultimate truth, it felt like truth, and at that time perhaps it was truth for them, but really it was limited, moving beyond shows there is more to happiness and contentment and life.

OK, gonna go down the bunny trail a bit here, so get ready.

I got to thinking about how the Bible (and Christians) talk about wisdom and how there is worldly wisdom, book wisdom, and GOD's wisdom. How no wisdom is worth anything if you do not possess God's wisdom, and to get God's wisdom you have to read the Bible, you have to pray, GOD HAS to give it to you if you do the right things, (such as confess your sin, get yourself right with those in your life, tithe, go to "church" weekly, give to others, etc.) Well, this idea that God gives us His wisdom is bunk to my thinking at this time. God's wisdom is always in us, we do not get it, we just become aware of what was there all along.

If I can borrow from the parable of the pearl of great price for a moment. We all have many pearls in us, there is not just one pearl of great value, there are many and we all already possess them, we just are not aware of where they are buried in us, some of us have found a few, some of us more some of us less.

So, one of these pearls is the Wisdom of God. Pearls are found in Oysters, they are protected, and hidden, by the shell of the oyster. I liken the shell to the EGO. Oysters are pretty easy to find, they take work to get to though, you have to dive deep, it takes some effort, they just do not jump into the boat. Once you get the oyster, you can stop there if you chose. Like the EGO, an oyster unopened can bring a sense of satisfaction, one can be happy with just the unopened shell, one can polish it, put it on display, (I see this as what "Christians" do, this is what all those books I have read want us to do, to go through the motions so we can be happy with the shell of the oyster, figure out how to polish it to make is shine in a pleasing way, design a display case for it to have us feel pride in it, and so on).

Here is how this all ties together.

If we stay in the EGO, like the first paragraph, then we really cannot fully realize or have awareness of the wisdom of God that is already there. We keep the oyster shell closed. We need to move on beyond the Ego needs to the soul/spirit needs to get this awareness of who we really are and what we really need, and thus realize the wisdom of God that was there all along and be able to utilize it. We need to go beyond the EGO (open up the shell and find the pearls inside).

BUT.....you knew there was another but didn't you lol. When one gets the pearl out of an oyster they shuck the shell and toss it. I do not think this is really necessary, I actually think this is harmful. (now, I know my oyster analogy fails at some levels, such as the pearl was not always in the oyster, like I believe God's wisdom has always been in us). I think that our EGO is created by God, it is a part of us, thus, it is valid and necessary to who we are, what is important though is that we do not just focus on that one part of us, we need to become aware, to realize all the parts of us and to pay attention to them all equally. The EGO has taken such a bashing by many of us who are trying to go beyond the EGO and get to the pearl of great price, but see without the EGO the pearl would not be there.

Now, here is the bow on the string that ties it all together. God made us, all of us including the Ego, we are not to be controlled or ruled by the EGO, but we are also not to try and deny the EGO to the point of hoping it will disappear, because it is also a part of us, a part we have to pay attention to, the more aware we are the more the EGO becomes an ally instead of a foe. As such, we can still love the EGO and give it what it needs, such as men need respect, need to feel valued through their job, etc, but at this level, these things become icing on the cake at the end of a very filling nutritious meal, not the meal itself like the IC wants it to be