Change vs Growth

We are a culture dedicated to change. I smoke, I need to CHANGE and stop smoking, I am overweight, I need to CHANGE and lose weight, I don't have friends, I need to CHANGE and become a person who attracts friends, I do not have a significant other, I need to CHANGE my hair, my nails, my clothes, etc. to attract suitors, I need to work non stop to buy clothes and expensive cars to impress others and I am going bankrupt, I talk like a sailor, I need to CHANGE that, and on and on.

All this focus on what is perceived as negative and how to CHANGE it into what is perceived as a positive. All this judgement of what is negative and what is positive by our self and those all around us.

Look at babies. Sure a 30 year old man who still needs his diaper changed, sucks a pacifier, and does not walk on his own (even though he could) is a very distasteful thought. But for a baby, it is only natural.

Everyone starts off doing all these "negative" things, but they do not stay there, they move on, they GROW and the changes come naturally. No forced change, no striving, no feeling guilty, (unless of course we as parents think they are not growing fast enough and convey this to them).

Babies do not think "oh, gee, I am not walking fast enough, I must skip this crawling stage and get on to walking, how pathetic I am." Babies grow automatically, it is what we are designed to do, without having to force it. Certainly babies can get distracted and side tracked from their own growth. Well meaning parents can interfere, other pursuits can take the time needed for growth, and so on, but left to their own, babies grow into children, children keep growing, and eventually become adults.

The thing I see is that the natural pattern of growth gets stopped along the way and a non-natural, fabricated growth gets foisted upon children and their natural growth gets derailed, or slowed down. Children are taught when to learn things, they are told if they learn fast enough or not. They are told what they can learn and what they have to "wait" to learn. This is the beginning of turning growth into CHANGE. The longer the natural pattern of growth is derailed, is not allowed to be, the more difficult it is to get back into that pattern. We stop allowing growth to guide us and begin to guide ourselves, but we are not grown enough to do so. We delude ourselves into thinking we know what is best for us (or more accurately we think we know what is best for others, but call it us), where we need to CHANGE, and we begin to focus on that, taking all energy and focus off of natural growth, and then all hell breaks loose.

One day we wake up with all these forced CHOICES we must make daily to live a positive productive life and contributor to society. Life becomes a big jumble of "musts" and "must nots", "shoulds" and "should nots", "can" and "cannots". We spend energy focused on these CHANGES/CHOICES that our lives become consumed by them, engulfed by them, we lose who we are.

Imagine one day waking up, after a lifetime of natural growth and progression, no shoulds, no time lines, no standards, no charts and percentiles to measure up to, just your own personal growth allowed to flourish and direct itself. You would not have to focus on all those CHOICES. Sure you may smoke now, but if you continue your growth, eventually you will grow out of your need to smoke instead of having to force a CHANGE. Sure you may be overweight now, but you will begin to exercise and eat more healthy when you are ready and it will be fun and not a chore or a burden because your growth will put you in the right frame of mind when you get there. (I can hear people murmuring saying "but you could die from these things before you grow through them, you must CHANGE in order to not lose your life", but I think that is just judgemental alarmist thinking, cause I think if we allowed our natural growth to never be stunted or derailed then we would grow at a natural pace that would be faster than the CHOICE/CHANGE method).

The focus we have as a culture on change needs to stop. We need to get back to reality, and work with the natural order of life. Change is necessary, but change does not have to be such work, change will happen all on its own if we allow and focus on growth instead and allow it to move at its own pace. So, what CHANGES do you need to make in your life? How about not focusing on those changes but focusing and pouring your energy into your own personal growth and see how that effects those areas you feel need to change. See if you want to keep harming your body by smoking and eating poorly once you have grown to realize how special you are and how wonderful your body is, not just to say it but to really feel it, to KNOW it. See if you want to keep spending money and getting deeper into debt, to buy the latest fashions, and the fastest car to attract others to you once you grow and realize that the person you are inside is who people are really attracted to, and that person is way more valuable and important than the clothes you wear and the car you drive (not that you cannot enjoy nice clothes and cars, but you do not NEED them to have people love you).

What a concept huh? What a less harried, less judgemental, less forced way of being.

It sounds great, but I can also hear the murmur of "How do I get back to my natural growth? I have been in CHANGE/CHOICE mode for so long I have forgotten my natural progression." Yep, this is true and a very valid thought. I think the answer/response to this is as varied as we are varied, there is no one size fits all solution. We need to take the time to search our self, to find that small still voice inside again and be able to hear it without drowning it out with all the shoulds/oughts/musts. Some of us will do this by spending time alone in thought, some will exercise to get back there, some will spend time in nature, some will read, some will go to groups, some will seek counsel, some will journal, some will meditate/pray, some will try all of these things until one of them clicks for them and they hear the voice again. Some of us are closer to our natural growth than others and it will come easier and faster, but do not give up, it is there and once you feel it, all the searching will have been worth it, it is the pearl of great price to be sure.