Either/or Both/And

So, someone asked: "What do I follow, my emotions (heart) or my convictions (intellect)?" And the first thing that pops into my mind is this struggle we have with either/or. It touches all aspects of our life, for example I am either a SAHM or a working mom, I am either healthy or not, I am either an emotional person or an intellectual, I am either male or female, I am either Christian or Pagan, Democrat or Republican.

We spend the majority of our life as a society in this either/or thought pattern. "I" have spent the majority of my life in this thought pattern. BUT I have also struggled in this because I was born with a brain that sees all the angles, all the pros and cons to both sides, for the EITHER and for the OR. Because of this I had a hard time choosing an EITHER, or and OR. I can see the positive and negative for the EITHER and the positive and negative for the OR, oh the dilemma this can cause. I see what I could miss out on by picking one over the other, but I also know in our society that I just cannot have both, I must choose, we all must choose, it is thus deemed so we can know where people stand, so we can have direction and purpose, so we can group ourselves together for a common purpose the purpose of the EITHER or the OR. The Either/OR defines us, it is a way of identification and expression of who we are, but it also limits us.

I have come to the conclusion that Either/OR is not the final say on being and choice. The limitations that the EITHER/OR imposes are shattered if you begin to see the world as BOTH/AND.

I can be both a Democrat, (liking some of the democratic stances, admiring some of their causes, while not limiting myself to being stuck with the issues I do not agree with) and a Republican (embracing their values and causes that serve me and my conscious while not being grouped into thought patterns that do not sit with who I am). I can be a health nut who exercises, does cleanses, monitors my eating, meditates, while also indulging in not so healthy things such as smoking, or birthday cake, or martinis. I do not have to be either healthy or not healthy, I can blend the two to have a balance that works for me.

Back to the original question, emotions or convictions? Why pick one over the other, what would you gain by picking emotions, well lets see. If you pick emotions, you will feel good about getting your feelings out, you will feel satisfied by the constant expression of those emotions, you would be true to yourself, you would be operating at your gut level which is the closest to the core of who you are. You would live without doubts of others wondering what you feel about subjects because it would be out there all the time, no guesswork (at least from your perspective). These are all good things, but could there be negative to following only emotions? Well, yes, there are. Our emotions are fickle and ever changing, to follow them solely would be to live a life of constant upheaval and uncertainty for yourself but even more so for those around you. Emotions are also fleeting, so an angry emotion expressed one day may only be 1% of your true feelings on a certain subject, but some might misconstrue it to be more because anger is felt more deeply by others than other emotions, so you would be running the risk of being seen for just the anger part of your feelings on a subject. Emotions are abstract, they are not concrete, they cannot be tied down and forced to stay the same, there is not certainty and surety.

If you pick only your intellect to follow, you will get the benefit of clear thinking, of continuity, of certainty. You will have direction because your intellect will help you see the path to follow and show you the steps to take along the way to stay on the path, it is safe, it is known, it is more secure. You will depend on your education and experience to set the foundation for what to do and how to do it. You will have less questions and be able to forge on ahead with less uncertainty. There is comfort in having a clear direction to follow. BUT, following the intellect only can be very stifling and can also put you down a path your heart does not want to be on. You can find yourself in a life that is slowly suffocating who you really are, and in some cases betraying who you are. It is a life of facts based on external factors vs a life based on your core of who you are regardless of the external world you are residing in.

To force one to pick between the emotion and the intellect is to limit oneself, to in essence make one a slave to the choice. Why cannot it be BOTH/AND? I say that it "HAS" to be both/and, in order for life to be full and completely experienced. Why not utilize your emotions to tune into your gut feelings on the subject to find out what your core being really wants/needs in the situation and then run that through the intellect to analyze the pros and cons and figure out the path that will be most beneficial to you and allow you to keep on the path of growth than limiting yourself, ultimately shutting down growth. Or, do it the opposite if that works best for you, run the situation through your intellect first and then see how you feel about it and go back and forth until both your intellect and emotion are on the same page and can both be comfortable with the choice of action to be made.

So, what do you think, is life EITHER/OR or is it BOTH/AND?